Dear Instagram by Mitchell Marchand
Dear Instagram,
I’d like to thank you for helping me realize that Iphone users are stuck up. When you debuted on Android this week, Iphone users behaved as if you slapped their mother and pissed on their children. I understand you’re an application and quite honestly I like what you do to make pictures like a bowl of cereal look interesting. I never knew until this week that possessing you meant status. The very same status the spinning rim, gold chain, & most recently Beats By Dre headphone users possessed. You’re the shit, Instagram! Who knew that thugs in Yankee fitted’s wanted to be captured in sepia tone? I also love how you’ve set off a rush of pictures that resemble the opening title of The Brady Bunch. These compartmentalized pics of people in three different poses? The world really needed that!!! I clown you now but I’m sure eventually when I divorce my Wackberry and either get an Iphone or Android phone I’ll be down with the Instagram revolution too. I just wish, as a part of your service, you could:
- Not snap any picture of a chick in a bikini who’s chubby ribs look like Ballpark franks.
- Not snap a picture of any dude who puts his hand under his chin like the Thinking Man statue.
- Not snap any pictures of beef stew that looks like shitty runs in a bowl.
- Not snap any pictures of a female making a duck face. In fact can you just delete yourself off someone’s phone as punishment? Please?!?!
See Instagram, what you may not know is some of us lack the discretion to simply not take these type of pics! We’ve come to a place where nothing is out of bounds and we’re all just sharing. However, some things need to stay “in house” and not be spread across the Worldwide Web. I wish you all the best though, Instagram. You’re the new kid on the block that is most definitely the topic of discussion. Blackplanet used to be that too.
One Love,
@MrMarchand
